first time i ever saw 2 men kiss / Orlando: part one | e nina jay

maybe
i’m not really a lesbian
I’m an adventurous masturbator…

 

I love
to fuck myself

 
*

 

19
my first serious girlfriend
was older than me
she knew so much more than me
she did it so much gooder
than me

 

before her
I had never felt
another womon’s fingers
listen to me
I had never felt
another womon’s fingers
another womon
another womon

 

(to this day
just saying
those two words
gives me butterflies)

 

another
womon

 
*

 

19
we’re hanging out at her ex gurlfriends house
I did not understand
why we were there
I didn’t ask though
i didn’t ask a lot of questions
i didn’t ask her any questions because
what if I ask a question
and she realizes i am there
and she realizes i am there?

 

i liked to hide in plain sight
i like to hide in plain sight
still

 
*

 

19
her ex-gurlfriends house
we are watching a porno
she is touching my breasts
her ex-gurlfriend is watching

 

i didn’t like it
i didn’t tell her
i did not say no

 

i hardly ever said no
because what if i say no
and she realizes i am there
and she realizes i am there
and sends me back to
alone
which is where i belonged
i believed
it was where i belonged
alone
still

 
*

 

19
we are watching a porno
two men are having sex
against a wall
behind some building

 

and sometimes
they kissed
not often
but sometimes
those 2 macho black men
opened each, their mouths
invited the other in
and they both came in

 

i had never seen such a thing
in all my life
no.
where.

 

thick brown lips
sucking one another
mouth as open
as he can
tongues peeking and dancing
and touching
2 mens tongues were touching
and i am watching this

 

was one of the sexiest visions
i had ever been invited
to behold
it was beautiful
it was pretty
it was a choir harmonizing
it was arousing
it is arousing
still

 

i don’t want to fuck them though
no
i just loved watching them

 

fuck each other
make love with each other
kissing

 

*

 
a man killed a whole lot of people
because he hated
the sight of such beauty

 

a man killed a whole lot of people
because he loved
the sight of such beauty

 

but he didnt want to see it
he didn’t have to see it
he could have just looked away
from the nerve of them
to want each other
he could have pretended
not to see it

 

but
he did not look away
he could not look away
from the nerve
of them
to want
them
selves

 
*

 

any person that wishes
to piss off “america”
would not hurt and kill
the same people “america”
hurts and kills

 

be more like teamwork
than terrorism

 
*

 

2 men kissing
the nerve
to not hide
the nerve
to exist
the nerve
to even love it

 

did he think he could kill
it
him
them
us

 

but he tried
didnt
he savage

 
*

 

19
i did not look away
i do not look away
i just love it
i never look away
still

 

maybe
those 2 boys
kissing
were not gay at all
maybe they were just
adventurous masturbators
who just love
to make love
to themselves

 

and the shooter
maybe he was not even straight
at all

 

but a violent masturbator
who secretly
wanted to
fuck
him
self.

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